Happy Apocalypse day
by SoCherryDarling
Summary: Dean wakes up in a strange bed with a desperate feeling of panic as he struggles to work out where he is. When he finds Castiel though, he only raises more questions than answers. ..and what the hell is Apocalypse day? Destiel/family
1. Chapter 1

Dean awoke in a panic, his heart hammering in his chest, breath heaving from his lungs as though he'd just run for his life. Automatically he pushed a hand under his pillow for his gun,.

It wasn't there.

Frantically he looked around the room, then froze in confusion.

He was sat in a king sized bed, placed in a light airy bedroom.

Certainly not the motel he remembered being in last night.

Early morning sunlight filtered through the trees outside the window, throwing, what would have been in any other situation, soothing dappled shapes across the bedspread.

He saw his clothes, draped neatly over the back of a chair. At least they seemed to be his clothes, he couldn't remember wearing them yesterday.

Warily, he swung his legs out of bed and pulled on his jeans, his gaze constantly darting around the room, waiting for the nasty punch line.

He couldn't see his bags, there were no weapons in sight so he hurriedly checked under the bed and in the closet, but came up empty handed.

Shit.

The only thing he knew for sure was that it wasn't a motel room, not even the expensive kind they never stayed in.

This was someone's home.

He checked the window sills for sulphur traces, the trash can for candy wrappers, felt underneath every surface for a hex bag, but the room seemed clean.

Quickly he pulled on the rest of the clothes, constantly alert for any noise. He found his watch on the bedside table, next to a picture of a smiling toddler.

Dean picked it up and studied it for a moment.

The child looked slightly familiar and he frowned at it, not liking that lost, cold feeling in his stomach, telling him he was missing something important.

Muffled sounds from downstairs made him jerk back to attention and putting the picture back he went cautiously to the door and inched it open.

The hall he stepped into was as clean and homely as the bedroom had been and wafting up the stairs was the smell of good coffee.

Crap.

Somehow he'd wound up in someone's house and now he was going to have to sneak past, find his phone, his car, damnit, his brother.

No time to work out how he'd got here, just focus on getting out with the minimum of fuss.

Voices filtered through from what he presumed to be the kitchen, as he quietly slipped down the stairs and found himself at the front door and stopped with a jerk.

His boots were there.

Neatly placed at the side of the door, under a row of coat hooks.

They were definitely his boots, the scuffs, the mismatched laces, one dark brown because he hadn't got around to buying a new pair last time he had one break on him..

Hesitating he tried to work out why they were there. Why hadn't the presence of strange boots in the hall flagged up something with this homes family? Were regular people really so unobservant?

A door burst open and the small child from the picture upstairs ran towards him gleefully.

"Hi Daddy!" He threw his arms around Deans legs and looked up into his face with a huge grin. He was about three, with dark messy hair and big green eyes.

Dean had to stop himself recoiling in surprise. He stood stock still with his hands raised away from the child, his whole body ready to explode into flight if needed.

"Hey buddy, leave Daddy alone until he's had his coffee."

"Cas?"

Castiel smiled at Dean. Probably the warmest most open smiled he'd ever seen on the angels face before.

"Com'on lil' dude." Cas swept the boy into his arms and blew raspberries on his neck, making him giggle. "Lets go make Daddy his breakfast, ok?"

" 'K Poppa."

Dean watched, open mouthed, as Cas and the boy, his son? As they walked back into the kitchen. For a moment he was rooted to the spot in confusion, but what else could he do though, but follow them.

Cas was stood at the stove pouring pancake batter onto a skillet, the boy already had his stack and was happily munching away on them when Dean came in.

"You want your coffee now?" Cas asked, pushing a spatula under the pancake and flipping in deftly.

When he didn't say anything Cas turned around. "You ok?"

Dean ran his hands through his hair and laughed. "No. Not really."

"Daddy sick?" The child looked up at Dean with concern.

"No Bobby, Daddy's fine. Eat your breakfast." Cas ruffled the boys hair as he walked past then gently guided Dean out into the hall.

As the door closed he took hold of Deans arms and squeezed them tight.

"I know today is always tough, but Bobby really understands what's going on this year. They made such a big deal about it at nursery, we can't ignore it Dean. Are you going be able to keep things together?"

He stared at Cas then pushed him away.

"I feel like I walked on stage halfway through the play."

"What?"

"I just woke up and I had no idea where I am or what's going on and here you are and there's the kid, Bobby? I just…. You gotta fill me in here Cas."

"Maybe we should call your doctor." Cas's gaze searched Dean face worriedly as though waiting for something to happen.

"My Doctor?" He tried to keep the note of panic from his voice. The last thing he wanted was to be prodded by some doctor when he was feeling all kinds of crazy. "No, no. I'm good. I'm just…. Tired."

Cas smiled uncertainly. "If you're sure. You have to keep talking to me though Dean. I can't help you if you don't open up." He smiled a little wider and pressed a hand to Deans face. "Come and get some breakfast."

As Cas left him alone in the hall, Dean placed his own hand where Cas had touched him. Confusion washed over him as he tried to work out the nature of that touch and the easy familiarity Cas was treating him with.

They'd always been friends, but this was different, it felt more, relaxed? Like all the tension in their friendship had been washed away.

Dean followed him back to the table and sat down compliantly.

Cas placed a mug in front of him, followed it with pancakes, and despite the semi panic he was having to push hard down on, he demolished his breakfast gratefully. He felt like he hadn't eaten in a week.

The child, Bobby, giggled into his hands, then beamed at Cas. "Daddy greedy!"

Cas smiled fondly and refilled Deans mug.

He watched Bobby closely, smiling a little at him when he looked up into his face. There was a lot of Cas about him, the shape of his face, the curve of his lips, the hair, but the childs eyes, the shape the colour. It was like looking into a mirror, which was nuts.

How the hell could he have a kid? Let alone a kid with Cas, another man for crying out loud! Just the thoughts of the mechanics of birth fried his brain.

But he'd called him Daddy.

No, it was impossible.

This was just a fucked up dream.

He pinched himself.

Then again, harder.

Bobby watched him intently, but before he could say anything, Cas had turned him in his chair and was stuffing his little feet into shoes.

"Ok, I'm going to take Bobby into town and pick up some last minute things for this afternoon. I already got chips on the list because someone ate the ones I bought." He looked up at Dean pointedly and shook his head with mock chastisement. "So was there anything else you want me to get?"

Bobby had squirmed away from Cas's grasp and was now facing Dean, his brow furrowing slightly, and god if he didn't look like …

"Sam! Where's Sam?"

"He'll be by later, around three if I remember rightly." He scooped up Bobby and grabbed car keys off the kitchen counter. Heading to the back door he kissed the boy on the cheek and said "You excited lil buddy?"

"Yeah!"

"Say goodbye to Daddy."

He turned in Cas's arms and waved to Dean. "Bye Daddy! Happy 'pocalypse day!"


	2. Chapter 2

**With Cas and Bobby gone, Dean searches the house for answers.**

* * *

Happy Apocalypse day?

Happy what?

Dean listened to the sound of Cas chatting to Bobby while he put him in the car, the gentle thunk of the door closing, the purr of the engine and then, finally, the noise of them driving away.

Pushing the chair back from the table, he started to make his way through the house. Dean didn't know what he was looking for, but what else was he going to do? Wait?

He had to get a handle on this and fast.

Running back upstairs, missing out the bedroom he'd already been in, he began making his way methodically through the rooms. There was another double bedroom, made up like a guest bed, which yielded nothing, the bathroom was clean and _clean._ Bobbys room was not so clean, but apart from a scattering of soft toys and books and a painful moment when Deans foot met with an errant Lego brick, there was nothing out the ordinary in there.

Down stairs there was a comfortable living area, two large sofas, a TV and stereo and pictures…. So many pictures in frames, on the wall, on the sideboards.

Dean slowed his search to look at them.

There was Dean and Sam sat on the impala, smiling, arms draped across their shoulders.

And this one, the three of them, in bar, and Cas was smiling so wide that Dean found himself half smiling back. Here was Cas holding a baby, it must be Bobby, and then next to it, Dean holding Bobby and next to that, both of them, holding him together, Dean is smiling down at the baby and Cas is smiling and Dean.

It's a beautiful picture and it makes his heart ache a little.

A quick glance around the rest of them show how much they obviously adore this child. It seems as though every roll, every crawl, every step has been documented.

Dean mentally shook himself.

This is nuts.

Its ridiculous and he needs to pull himself together and find out what's happening.

The last full room he comes to is a study.

There's bookshelves and a large desk with a laptop on it, a small TV sits in the corner opposite a ratty looking easy chair.

He flicked on the TV in the hope of seeing something that might makes some sense, but all that's on is some sitcom rerun, so snorting in disgust he sets to, looking through the desk drawers.

The desk is equally unfruitful, being stuffed full of receipts, scrap paper, old bank statements and various crap. Certainly nothing that screams "enlightenment!"

"…_. that's right Jeff, the weather is looking exceptional for tonight's fireworks, clear calm skies and a balmy 64 degrees which is very warm for October! This is due to a high pressure moving in from the south and chasing away all that rain we had earlier this week…." _

Dean glanced up at the TV and frowned.

Fireworks in October?

The news show that had come on while he was pulling papers out the drawers, cut away from the weather girl and back to the anchors, a smart middle aged woman in an elegant suit and expensively dyed blonde hair, and a distinguished looking grey haired man who had that half smile so many older anchors had, as though he was sipping martinis in a lounge bar, not reading the local news.

"…_. Thank you Veronica. And the headlines again. This years Apocalypse day celebrations are even more poignant, as they mark the 5__th__ anniversary of the unification bill passed by congress._"

The woman smiled at the camera.

"_That's right John. It's been five years since a law was passed making it illegal to discriminate against "non-humans" in the work place and places of worship. The law also included the rights of any "non-human" to marry a human, a controversial bill that caused a lot of friction among the more conservative electorates."_

Dean moved closer to the TV as the show cut to video footage of protestors outside the Whitehouse.

… "_It's wrong for them to walk among us!" _Shouted a guy dressed like a fundamentalist Christian. _"…and for them to have the same rights as humans is just horrifying! Now they're marrying into our species and having KIDS for cripes sake! And who knows what kind of abominations they're going to spawn? Abominations that will end up in our SCHOOLS! With our own purebred children!"_

Dean bristled slightly.

Kids like Bobby?

They cut back to the studio where the anchors looked professionally calm, but with a slight hint of amusement about their eyes.

"…_.Although feelings still run high in some parts of the country, the majority of voters embraced the Unification Bill and "non-humans" have, on the whole, integrated well into society."_

The woman chuckled. _"I'll say John" _She said coyly, before blinking and showing the camera her jet black eyes.

Dean almost recoiled from the screen.

Demons?

The two anchors laughed genially and then her eyes where wide and blue again, and as though nothing had happened, they moved on to the sporting news.

Running his hand across his face, Dean struggled to take it in.

What kind of world was he living in where angels and demons walked among humans and everyone was cool about it?

He'd found nothing in the house to help him work things out, no journal, nothing. Why the hell wasn't he keeping a journal?

Exasperated, he flopped down in the easy chair and let his head fall back, groaning in frustration as he ran his hands over his face and tried to think.

Opening his eyes he found his gaze falling on the book shelf before him. At the top was a three or four inch gap and now he noticed something tucked up there in the corner.

Frowning, he grabbed the desk chair and stood on it, pushing his hand back into the gap to reach what he could now see was a large, flat wooden box.

Putting it on the desk, he carefully wiped the dust from the top and opened it.

Inside there were photos.

He knew theses pictures, the one of him and Sam as kids, next to the Impala with their Dad. The one of all of them, Himself, Sam, Cas, Ellen, Jo and Bobby, older Bobby, all looking sternly into the camera like a posse about to head off to do battle. A faded one of him with his Mom and Dad, holding a baby Sam proudly.

He swallowed hard.

How could these be here? They were _real, _they didn't fit in with what was going on at all.

At the bottom of the box was an envelope.

Written on the front, in neat, even hand writing was one word.

_Robert._

Dean frowned at it for a moment before he realised it was for Bobby. He hesitated, turning the envelope over in his hand, until finally giving in and opening it.

Inside were several sheets of paper, covered in the same neat writing.

Going back to the first page, Dean sat back in the easy chair and started to read.

* * *

_Dear Bobby, _

_I wonder if you will still go by that name when you are old enough to read this. Maybe you will prefer Robert, or Bob, or maybe even your middle name of Gabriel._

_For the record, I pushed hard for Gabriel to be your first name, but your Dad pointed out what that might be like for you in school. He pushed the point home by making me listen to Johnny Cash sing "A boy names Sue." and so you became Robert Gabriel, named for two of the most important people in my life and your Dads, who are no longer with us._

* * *

Dean chuckled. He was right of course. It's what he would have said.

He turned the pages over and smiled.

Cas had obviously written a letter for Bobby to read when he was grown up, one of those "we love you so much and you make us proud" letters that some parents do.

Turning back to the first page, he continued to read.

* * *

"…_You might be wondering why I'm writing this letter to you, and if it's any comfort, it feels strange to me too, to be writing to you like an adult when you can still hardly talk, but I had to._

_Things need to be remembered._

_And your Dad will never tell you or allow me to speak of it, and so I do this in secret in the hope that one day you'll understand just how special you are to me, and to your Dad, and that even if he doesn't always show it, he loves you very much._

_I hope that we'll be able to celebrate Apocalypse Day like a normal family one day, but if in those few early years we can't or your Dad doesn't join in with us, or even leaves for a short period of time, I want you to understand why and to know that your Dad is a hero and always will be. No matter what he feels about himself"_

* * *

Dean felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and a cold sensation start to creep through his guts as he turned the page.

"…_..I need you to know what happened during the Apocalypse…" _


	3. Chapter 3

**Dean can't help the feeling that he belongs here, but he still can't help digging to find the truth**

* * *

The soft scrape of a key in the door made Dean jump up with a start.

Hurriedly he stuffed the letter into his back pocket and then put the box back on the top of the book shelves before slipping put of the office and into the kitchen.

Cas walked in just as Dean sat back down at the table.

"Oh hey!" Cas smiled. "You're still here. Well, great, you can help unpack."

He handed Dean one of the bags and began to put the groceries away.

Crap.

He didn't know where anything went!

A flash of inspiration hit Dean and he turned to Bobby, who was running a toy car along the table top.

"Hey buddy, you.. ah… wanna help me put theses away?"

Bobby looked up at him solemnly and nodded.

"I'll give you the shopping and you tell me where it lives, OK?"

"Ok Daddy."

For the next twenty minutes they slowly put each item in its rightful place, He worked with patience, waiting for the child to remember where this packet went, allowing him to spend time looking at the produce carefully, reading the labels for him. Finally they were nearly finished and Dean lifted the boy onto the counter top to reach the higher shelves.

As Bobby pushed the last packet into place, he turned and wrapped his small arms around Deans neck, kissing him wetly on the cheek.

Something swelled in his heart, recognition, a longing, he swept the boy off the counter top and hugged him tight, burying his nose into his soft neck, inhaling that almost baby smell and grateful for the stickiness of his cheeks.

"Love you Daddy."

Dean swallowed hard and whispered into his ear. "Love you too buddy."

He placed him gently on the floor and looked up to see Cas watching them.

His face was a mixture of emotions. Love? Happiness? ..But somewhere in that blend, Dean though he saw a tiny flicker of caution.

"Good job Bobby!" Cas finally said, walking towards him and taking his small hand. "You want to watch some TV for a while?"

Bobby jumped up and down on the spot eagerly. Dean liked that. He liked that this child was still un-jaded enough to be excited by the prospect of some TV time.

He sat heavily in a chair and put his face in his hands, taking long slow breaths and trying to work out the feelings that had overwhelmed him.

That huge wave of love that had engulfed him, he'd only felt it that strongly before for Sammy when he was small. The knowledge that to that child you are the most wonderful thing in their world, their protector and provider and the love they give you is unconditional.

Had it been real then?

It had felt real.

Cas gently lay his hand on Dean shoulder.

"Holding up?"

He looked up at his concerned face and nodded a little. "Yeah. I'm good."

Dean could almost see _Liar _flash across his face, but he ignored it and placed his hand over Cas's.

He responded by pulling a chair up and sitting close to him.

"I'm glad…. I'm glad you can put this aside for Bobby. That was sweet of you, involving him like that."

Dean didn't say anything. He didn't want to think about the fact that he might not be a good Dad. Would he be like John?

"I want to be a good Father." He mumbled. And it was true. Here or elsewhere, it didn't matter, deep down he'd always wanted to be a Dad, but the life…. No…. It was too messed up.

His head started to spin again.

"You know, I might just go lie down for a while."

Cas took both of Deans hands in his and squeezed them lightly. "Ok. Yes. That might be a good idea. We have a couple of hours before Sam arrives. I'll get on with things down here, you go rest."

He nodded and stood to go, then on a whim embraced Cas fiercely.

"Hey! Hey, it's ok." Cas hugged him back, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "I'm so proud of you." He whispered, kissing Dean lightly on the cheek. "We all are."

Stepping back, Dean sniffed and looked at the floor, nodding slightly at Cas as he walked out of the kitchen, leaving him stood alone, his face a mask of concern.

As he made his way to the stairs, Dean glanced through the open door of the living room and paused to watch Bobby stood in front of the TV.

He didn't know what show was on, but the boy was watching intently, copying the dance moves the perky presenter was busting on the screen.

His little face was creased in concentration as he worked hard to keep up, always half a movement behind.

Dean smiled, then felt it slip as his guts twisted, reminding him that this was wrong, that something was out of whack, and a helplessness overwhelmed him as he staggered up the stairs and into the bedroom.

Locking the door behind him, Dean took the letter out of his pocket and sat on the edge of the bed to read it.

His hands shook slightly and for a moment he wondered if he should.

Why not just throw it away and embrace this life? But his eyes were drawn to the words and finally he read.

* * *

"…_. I need you to know what happened during the Apocalypse. Not just the things you've seen on TV or read about in school, but the real events and what happened after._

_The public were never told about the vessels, and afterwards, when angels and demons were_ _allowed to integrate with humans, the vessels we used had to be certified as persons already dead or work through reems of red tape for those who consented. Anyway, despite that, no one thought to ask about the vessels used in the beginning, when the Apocalypse started._

_Everyone knows the story of Lucifer and Michael and how they battled for years, how cities were laid to waste, how millions of people died. _

_They know that they were both sent back to the cage finally and that seems to be all they care to know._

_In the aftermath, a council of angels and demons took control and helped re build, got government off the ground again and things pretty much went back to normal._

_What they don't know is that the vessels used were instrumental in the bringing down of the archangels and without them this world would be very different. _

_Bobby, those vessels were your Dad and uncle Sam."_

* * *

No.

No, this was wrong. He never said yes to Michael.

Would never have.

Frantically he tried to remember, tried to bring up the memories, but they wouldn't come.

He had no choice but to read on.

* * *

"_Maybe this won't be a surprise to you, but I need to spell it out, if only for my own peace of mind._

_Your Uncle Sam became Lucifer's vessel. The demon blood he'd been fed as a baby and again later on, made it hard for him to resist in the end and Lucifer consumed him whole._

_Dad had it much worse though, and this is why you need to know, you need to understand what he went through._

_Throughout this time, he remained aware._

_All the time he fought his brother, all the cities that burned, all the people that died, he was right there, he had to watch his hands lay waste to humanity, he had to watch his hands try to kill Sam. _

_Your uncle remembers nothing of his time as a vessel, but your Dad saw it all._

_Even though it was Michael who controlled him, your Dad can't help but feel responsible. He strove for so long to make amends, but that's the problem._

_When it's not your fault how can you seek forgiveness? _

_Sometimes your Dad struggles hard with this, and Apocalypse day will always be difficult for him to manage._

_There were periods afterwards where he would leave for weeks at a time, where he would drink too much and shut himself off from those that cared deeply for him. _

_Little by little he came back to us._

_My father returned. _

_Not many of us know this._

_Most people are content to think that it just stopped, but the truth is, my Father returned and your Dad took the archangels to him._

_He had the strength to overpower Michael and physically take him to Father._

_He put those Archangels at his feet and waited for the end._

_Bobby, your Dad voluntarily accepted that Michaels fate would be his own also,. He was willing to sacrifice himself and Uncle Sam, to stop the destruction of the world._

_But my Father see's all and he sent his errant and bickering children back to the cage, where they remain still._

_Your Dad and Uncle Sam took a long time to recover, even with my Fathers touch, being used a vessel for warring archangels is not something many humans could survive, but they did, and then in time they were able to accept their gifts of…."_

* * *

"Dean?"

Cas was knocking softly at the door.

Stuffing the letter under the mattress he opened the door and let him in.

"Were you sleeping?"

He shook his head. "Just going over things in my head. Needed some alone time."

Cas's face fell a little and he moved towards the door. "I'll leave you in peace then."

"No." He took hold of Cas's hand as he went to leave. "No. Stay." he wanted company, needed a familiar face.

He smiled gently and nodded. "Ok. Bobby's napping now, I got a little while."

It seemed the most natural thing in the world for them to lie on the bed together. They faced each other and lay in silence for a while, Cas absent mindedly stroking Deans hair.

"I'm not a good person." He said finally, avoiding Cas's eyes.

"Don't say that."

"But I'm not. All those people Cas…"

Before he could say more, Cas was kissing him.

For a second he thought about pulling away. He didn't kiss guys….. Apparently he could get his head around the fact he was living with Cas, found it normal in fact that they could have a child, somehow, but it hadn't entered his head what this actually meant.

So for that second he nearly recoiled, nearly pushed Cas away in shock, nearly said something bullishly heterosexual.

But he didn't.

He felt Cas's lips working softly against his and something switched in his head, like a light being turned on and for the first time he saw how it was, how he was.

It was like his old life being stripped away and now he lay here, exposed, nerves raw, heart open to this feeling of relief and awe.

He pushed harder against Cas, took his face in his hands and kissed him back intensely, letting all those girls, all those quick fumbles, fall away.

Finally, Cas pushed him back gently, breathing hard, a smile touching the corner of his mouth, he licked his lips fleetingly and chuckled.

"Dean. I'd love to stay here and get into this, but I really have to get busy before Bobby gets up. Besides, Sam will be here soon."

"Stay." Mumbled Dean, pulling Cas closer.

Cas laughed and sat up. "Later. I promise. Why don't you hop in the shower and get changed? Cool off a little."

He leant forwards and kissed him briefly before jumping off the bed and heading out the room.

Dean lay back on the bed with a groan.

Nope.

Nothing confusing had happened to him today at all.

He wondered if this day could get any stranger, how many more revelations awaited him?

Cas had said that Sam was coming over.

Was it too much to hope that Sam had answers for him.

He thought about looking at the rest of the letter, but instead he stripped off and headed for the shower.

Maybe that would help him think clearly.

Maybe.


	4. Chapter 4

*A/N shorter chapter today as I've been working, will try and get a more substantial one up tomorrow :)*

* * *

**Dean waits for his brother to arrive, but another guest leave him reeling. **

* * *

The shower had calmed him a little, he was grateful for that at least, but it had also given him time to think about what was happening.

It made no sense that he didn't remember any of this.

Sure, it all _felt_ real.

God did it feel real, but nothing natural could explain him not remembering something so colossal as being Michaels vessel, or setting up home with Cas, or Bobby…. God he would have at least remembered Bobby.

There was a place in his heart that acknowledged Bobby as his, and it seemed like every time his gaze fell on a part of the room, a tiny flicker of recognition buzzed inside him, a touch of the bedspread and it was like tiny static flickers to his finger tips.

But.

Nothing solid.

Nothing stuck.

Slowly he dressed, pulling on fresh jeans, slipping a shirt over his head and relishing the scent of line dried clothing on him rather than the slightly musty smell of hand washed in a motel sink and hung over the shower rail, dried clothes.

So many tiny comforts.

Dean sat on the bed, unsure of what to do next.

He could hear Cas talking to Bobby downstairs and anxiety writhed in his belly at the thought of going down to see them.

One part of him wanted this to be his life, so badly, another knew he wouldn't be able to stop digging.

Could it be that he'd always felt like this?

So undeserving of happiness that he needed to try and find the catch, the snake in the flower garden, the maggot in his apple.

Maybe some people were destined to be that way.

Hell, nearly thirty years in the hunting life would do that to most people.

The door bell chimed, pulling him from his thoughts abruptly.

_Sam._

Dean crept from the room and started down the stairs, a lump forming in his throat. What if his brother was different?

What if they didn't get along?

He hesitated and listening carefully, he could just make out the low murmur of Cas talking to Sam.

"_How's he holding up?"_

"_Touch and go. I think he'll be ok though, if we all keep an eye on him."_

Eavesdropping was never his style, so Dean started down the stairs more confidently.

Cas had Bobby perched on his hip and they all looked up and smiled at him as he reached the bottom step.

Oh God.

His big, goofy little brother, who, lets face it, hadn't been littler than Dean since he was 16, but here he was, moving towards him, arms open, to embrace him.

The force of it nearly drove Dean off his feet, but he pushed into it, blinking back tears and gripping the back of Sams jacket.

"Hey. Hey, come on Dude. It's ok." Sam gently pushed him back a little and smiled at him. "We're gonna eat some BBQ, drink a few beers, watch some fireworks. It's gonna be good."

"Yeah, yeah I know. It's good to see you man."

From outside a womans voice called.

"Oh crap!" Sam grinned and rolled his eyes. "Better go give her a hand before she tears me a new one."

With a final pat to his shoulder Sam stepped back out of the door.

Cas bounced Bobby a little. "Looking forwards to seeing your cousin again?"

The boys answer was cut off as Cas tickled him and he bent forwards with the giggles.

Sam walked back in with a baby in his arms, younger than Bobby, perhaps eighteen months, he had the wide cautious eyes that most toddlers show when first brought into a room full of adults they don't see much, his chubby arms wrapped around Sams neck.

"Hey Colt! Hey Buddy!" Cas spoke soothingly to the baby, who turned his head and hid his face in his Fathers neck, to Sam and Cas's amusement.

"Aw Colt, don't be shy, it's uncle Cas." Laughed the woman who had slipped in behind Sam.

Dean looked at her properly. Took in her dark hair, wide, generous mouth and most importantly, the fairly large baby bump she was carrying under her sweater.

"Ruby?"

She smiled at him. "Hi Dean." She moved forwards, raising her arms to hug him, but he couldn't help himself and took a step back.

For a moment there was an embarrassed silence.

Ruby let her hands fall to her sides and damn, if she wasn't blushing a little.

"Oh…. I'm…. I'm sorry Dean…" She waved away Sam as he bent to her, touched her arm. "No it's ok." She said quietly. "Um… Cas! I have some beer in the car that moose man didn't bring in, can you give a fat lady a hand?" She took Colt from Sams arms and avoided Deans glare.

"Of course, wanna help Bobby?" He placed the boy on the floor and Dean watched helplessly as Ruby took his hand and led him out the door.

Sam noticed this and frowned.

"What's wrong?"

Dean fought hard to quash the instinctive panic in his chest. He looked helplessly at his brother and all he could feel was the anger and horror he's felt when he'd found out what Ruby was up to with Sam, how she'd manipulated him to be in the right place at the right time to become Lucifers vessel.

Sam took hold of Dean by the shoulders and shook him once, hard.

"If this is going to be a problem I will go. But I need to know. I have my wife… my _pregnant_ wife, and my son here and I'd sooner leave if this is going to be too hard for you."

Finally, Dean shook his head. "Ruby? Really man? Ruby?"

Sam clenched his jaw and let go of him. "What about Ruby?"

"For Christ sake Sam. She's a demon!"

"Dude! What is with you and the casual racism today? Like we haven't all hung out a thousand times before now?"

They both turned towards the door as Bobby walked in, a big bag of chips balanced in his arms.

Sam quickly turned back to Dean. "Are we cool? Is this going to be cool?"

Dean nodded.

Everything in his gut told him it wasn't cool, not one bit.

It didn't seem like he had a choice in the matter though.


	5. Chapter 5

**Dean faces up to the fact Ruby is in Sams life.**

* * *

***A/N* I had "Perfect day" picked out to use in this story a couple of days ago... seems more than fitting to use it now .. RIP Lou Reed x**

* * *

Well.

Wasn't this just a whole barrel of awkwardness.

Dean tried hard to keep his eyes on Bobby and Colt. Cas had put some toys in the living room and Bobby was proudly showing his younger cousin how to play with his "big boy" toys. He chatted away to the slightly bemused looking toddler and all the adults tried to hide the tension in the room behind the smiles and looks reserved for parents focusing on kids being cute.

Every so often though….. Every so often, Deans gaze would slip back to Ruby and he knew what it must look like.

He couldn't control how he felt inside.

Looking at her made him feel sick with rage and she knew it.

When she caught his eye her face would twitch and she'd look away quickly, turning her attention back to the children or to Cas or Sam.

Finally he could stand it no more and with a grunt, he stood up and stalked out of the room and back upstairs.

No one followed.

Shutting the door, he pulled the letter back out from under the mattress.

Either everyone around him was bat shit crazy, or he was missing something monumentally important.

He just couldn't handle it.

The thought of Sam hooking up with that black eyed skank, how she'd come between them, used him and then…..

With a cry of frustration he picked up a book laying on the bedside table, and hurled it across the room.

* * *

"…._your dad and Uncle Sam took a long time to recover, even with my fathers touch. Being used as a vessel for warring Archangels is not something many humans could survive , but they did, and in time they were able to accept their gifs of thanks from him._

_First of all I want to tell you what your Dad chose._

_He chose a normal life. One where no one had ever heard of Dean Winchester, and he chose a son._

_Officially, you are, of course, adopted._

_Many orphans were made during the Apocalypse and we found you and loved you from the first._

_But my Father made it all that little bit more special. _

_You see, you really are our son. There is a little of me and a little of your father in you, our DNA linked with yours, our blood in your veins. I'm not sure how it was done, I'm only an angel, but he touched your brow and then you were ours._

_Even now people are starting to comment on how much you look like me or your Dad._

_You are still very much you, but you are, without a doubt, our son._

_Your Uncle Sam wanted the love of his life back._

_She was dead, you see, just before the start of the Apocalypse, and the only thing he wanted was to have her back with him._

* * *

Dean put the letter down gently.

He knew of course, how could he not.

How many times after had Sam mumbled Rubys name in his sleep. There were no other girls after her, not really, but Dean had been so angry about what they had had that he just blocked it out, ignored his brothers pain.

It was funny how everyone had assumed Jessica was the "_The One_." Even Dean had for a while.

He'd watched Sammy channel all his energy into avenging her death but deep down, really deep down, she had only been his effort at normalising himself.

Had he ever had to hide anything about his life from Ruby?

Lie about his past?

Make excuses for his weird family?

No.

She'd always been there for him to open up to…. But damn it!

How did he know that she wasn't just using him again? That there wasn't some new plan to send Sam into hells clutches?

"You don't… I guess…"

Dean jumped up off the bed to see Ruby leaning against the now open door.

"How did you….."

She half smiled and shrugged, a slight flush spreading across her face. "I still have powers Dean. Even in this brave new world, and sometimes, when a thought's really loud and about me, I pick it up… I can't block something like that."

Hovering uncertainly on the threshold Ruby tried to smile and gestured towards the bed. "Can I sit? Carrying a load here."

Dean grunted and moved up the bed, making it obvious that Ruby was to sit as far away from him as possible.

"You know." She sighed, smoothing down the bedspread. "Even before all this, I loved Sam."

He snorted but she ignored him and pressed on. "At first it was just a job. I had to get him on Demon blood, train him up, have him be in the right place at the right time… But later…"

She paused and stole a glance at Dean and he saw suddenly, that she was afraid.

Her hand was curled protectively around her bump and her eyes were wide, her gaze darting often to the open bedroom door.

This made him feel like scum.

She was pregnant for Christ sake, he wouldn't hurt her…. Would he?

"Go on…" He motioned for her to continue, not wanting to dwell on what he might be capable of doing.

"When you were in hell, and I came back to Sam. I dunno.. It was different…" She smiled slightly. "Maybe it was because we were alone. You were gone, he had no one really, and he opened up to me. …. And then it wasn't a job anymore."

She sniffed and Dean saw that she was crying a little. "I had no idea he felt the same. Not really. I mean… We were _together_ you know? But I always thought it was the demon blood and back then I was still a servant and I thought, I thought that when Lucifer took his vessel, that Sam would still be there." She laughed and cuffed at her face. "Stupid I know. When he brought me back… To be given that chance…" Her tears finally came and Dean automatically reached out a hand to her and was ashamed when she recoiled a little.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I wasn't lying you know…. Back then. I really did remember what it was like to be human."

With effort she stood up and took Deans hand in hers. "You deserve to be happy Dean." And then she walked out, leaving him with a fist full of the letter gripped tightly in his fingers.

* * *

He went downstairs.

Went to Sam and hugged him tight. "I'm sorry."

Sam held onto his brother and whispered "It's ok. We understand, it's ok now."

Ruby smiled at him and he pushed himself to smile back.

Cas was cooking BBQ as the sun set low behind the rooftops, the children, bundled up against the creeping autumn chill, played in Bobby's sand box, running toy cars through tiny dunes, burying toy soldiers.

A beer was pressed into his hand and strong arms propelled him into the garden, into the bosom of the people who loved him.

It was easier.

They shared food and drank a little and played with the kids and it was _nice_.

And nice was something Dean had forgotten even existed.

Some burger, some chips and dips and then it was dark.

Bobby held his arms up for Dean to pick him up and he flipped the giggling child up onto his shoulders while Cas and Sam lit the first of the fireworks.

Bobby's warm hands on his face, his solid weight on Deans shoulders and Cas, his hand snaking into his.

He looked across at him and they smiled at each other, shared a fleeting kiss as the rockets lit the sky. He stole a glance at Sam, his son in one arm, his other hand resting on Rubys stomach, the way he looked her and god.. The way she looked at him.

"_I can do this_." He thought. "_I can do this_."

* * *

Dean waved them off, little Colt asleep in the backseat, Sam and Ruby smiling and waving as they drove away down the street.

He made his way upstairs and found Cas sat in the chair in Bobbys room, the boy curled up in his lap, thumb in his mouth, reading quietly from a story book.

He stood in the door way and smiled.

The soft lighting gave the room a safe, warm feeling.

Bobby held his free hand out to Dean.

"He wants his Daddy tonight I think." Said Cas, standing up and handing the boy over.

What could he do to send a child to sleep?

But it came naturally, to hold him pressed to his chest as he swayed a little, brushed a stray lock of dark hair away from his face and sang to him.

_Just a perfect day  
Drink sangria in the park  
And then later, when it gets dark  
We go home  
_Cas chuckled.

"Lou Reed?"

_Just a perfect day  
Feed animals in the zoo  
Then later a movie, too  
And then home_

"You do know that's about heroin right?"

"Yeah, well Bobby don't care."

He mumbled his way through the chorus and smiled as Bobby's weight shifted as he drifted off to sleep.

Handing his to Cas to put in bed, Dean let his hand linger on the boy and sighed.

"You coming to bed?" Whispered Cas as they left the room.

"Soon. I might just sit for a while first."

Cas nodded and pecked Deans cheek before making his way down the hall to the bedroom.

Their bedroom.

But first, first Dean wanted some quiet.

He wanted to sit in the dark and sip one last beer and try to gather his thoughts.

Popping the cap off the bottle, he made his way through to the living room and flopped onto the sofa with a groan.

"I wondered how long it would be before you were ready to talk."

Dean nearly dropped his beer in surprise at the voice.

The boy who sat on the sofa opposite him, couldn't have been older than thirteen and his lips twisted into a half smiled of amusement.

_And here it is_, Dean thought, like an invisible fist hitting him in the gut, _here's the Nasty punch line._

Just when he thought he could deal with it.

And the boy just raised an eyebrow and smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Last chapter! Thank you for the reviews and sorry I'm so late with this one. Hope you all like it :)**

* * *

The boy rolls his eyes a little at Deans flustered state.

"Chill out Dean. I'm not gonna bite you."

"Who are you?"

"You don't remember me? Damn, that hurts a little. Although I guess a lot has happened since then. Maybe you're asking the wrong question?"

He frowned and gingerly sat on the edge of the sofa.

"How do you know me?" He tried.

The boy smiled and pointed a finger at him. "Much better. You could say that you were the one who showed me what was real."

Dean blinked blankly.

"I no longer believe in the tooth fairy and I can pull my face like this…" He stuck his fingers into the side of his mouth and pulled his lips wide, showing all his teeth. "…. without it sticking.."

"Jesse?"

"Bingo!"

Deans brain did a frantic recap, but it was hard to twin the frightened small boy they'd found, the child who was stronger than angels or demons and who'd run rather than take sides, with the smiling, confident young teen sat in front of him.

"You vanished."

He shrugged. "I had to. I was like nine…..I fixed it all before I left didn't I?"

"Yeah. Yeah you did."

Dean thought he saw a glimmer of sadness cross the boys face.

"I even made it so no one remembered me. Not even my parents." He caught himself and winked at Dean. "Adopted parents."

"Where did you go?"

"Australia… then India, Africa, Japan, Peru,.. Oh I've been everywhere Dean. I've been to places no ones ever set foot in."

He sat back on the sofa and smiled generously.

"I know you're wondering what side I'm on. .." Jesse held his hand up as Dean went to open his mouth. "All you need to know is that I'm not on anyone's side. I'm on my own side. I make my own rules and my own path and not an angel or demon ever got within a thousand miles of me."

"Why are you here now?"

"For you of course!"

Jesse laughed and stood up, holding out his hand to Dean.

"I have to show you something."

Dean stood slowly and glanced back at the dark hall, knowing that beyond that lay the stairs and two of the most important people in his life.

"They'll still be here when we get back….. Promise." He held out his hand, his little finger crooked, towards Dean. "Pinky promise…. I still believe those are unbreakable." He chuckled.

Dean smiled lightly and linked fingers.

* * *

He fell to his hands and knees, retching and coughing, the boy stood calmly besides him, waiting for Deans disorientation to pass.

"You doing OK?" He said finally, patting him on the back. "Come on, get up. You need to see this."

He scrabbled to his feet, Jesses hand strong and solid at his elbow, far stronger than the teens grip should have been, he helped him up and gave him a moment to let the landscape before him sink in.

They were stood on a hill, overlooking some city, he couldn't tell which, all he could see was the skyline aflame.

"Where are we?"

"Detroit. Illinois, Boston? It doesn't matter. Same crap, different city. Where we are isn't important. When though, that's the key to the whole thing."

"2010." Whispered Dean, his gaze taking in the crumbling towers, the red flames of the horizon. "I did this?"

Jesse lay a hand on Deans shoulder.

"No man… Not you. The Angels did this, you just got pulled along for the ride."

A shrill whine began to build up behind Deans eyes.

Shaking his head he frowned at the boy. "But this didn't happen….." He screwed his face up in pain, clasped a hand to his head and fell to his knees with a cry as the whine in his head began to swell..

"It's Michael." Jesse sighed. "Because we're here, you're remembering."

As though pushed backwards by unseen hands, Dean fell to the floor, his hands grasping at his ears, legs kicking against the gravel.

Jesse sat next to him, took a hand in his. "Don't fight it."

…_.. Panic._

_Sweet Jesus, why can't I…._

_Can't stop, can't stop._

_Along for the ride buddy boy._

_No._

_Sammy!_

_Sammy's not home. _

_Screams._

…_Nononononono…. _

Dean grunted, tried to sit up, but the whine in his head became a shrill siren.

_I won't kill you Sam!_

_You don't get a choice._

…_.. Always….._

_Always a choice._

_Cass!_

_Dead….. He's dead… _

_Only the big boys playing now Dean._

_All their faces._

_All the destruction._

_Should never have…._

_Too late._

_No._

_Fight it._

_Fight Michael._

…_Can't…_

_Oh God I can't…_

Jesse placed a cool palm on Deans forehead and whispered. "Enough."

* * *

With a gasp, Dean sat up.

They were back in the dark living room, Jesse pressing a cold beer into Deans hand.

"What was that?" He pulled himself shakily onto the sofa and pulled on the beer.

"The past."

Dean shook his head. "No. No, you see that never happened… I never said yes to Michael. We stopped the apocalypse. I mean… The Leviathans, the prophet, all that…."

"…Never happened." Finished Jesse.

Dean put the beer on the coffee table and let his head drop into his hands, breathing as slowly as he could. He felt sick, afraid.

"Damnit Jesse, throw me a bone here."

The kids smiled kindly.

"You're not crazy Dean, so get that out of your head to start with." He paused, as though searching for the right way to put it.

"I saw what happened after you stopped Lucifer, no, don't talk, just listen."

He stood up and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Do you remember how things where after? Sam dragged out of the cage, soulless, his breakdown, the fight between heaven and hell for souls, the Leviathan?"

"Yeah…. I do. All of it."

"Do you want me to tell you that it never gets any better? That death and destruction followed you for all eternity. That the world crumbled and fell despite your efforts, and everyone you ever cared for died." Jesse sat on the coffee table in front of Dean and took his shaking hands in his. "I changed it."

"How…. I mean…. Damnit kid. What are you?"

He smiled and shrugged.

"No idea, but does it matter? I went back and allowed the apocalypse to happen as it should have, and then, I fixed it."

"God came back. Cas said that his Father…"

"No. No, that was me. God is dead. As far as I can tell he's been dead for a long time. Not that it matters anyway."

"Doesn't matter?"

"Dean. There's no heaven. No hell. Just, good lives and peaceful endings. I only had to tweak a few perceptions, brought back Sam and Cas, Ruby and a handful of others, you all did the rest. Angels and Demons and humans, all like one happy family."

"Bullshit." Dean glared at him. "One day some Demons gonna start ganking people or some angels gonna go rouge. What then?"

Jesse half smiled in amusement.

"I can't change peoples temperaments Dean, but it might interest you to know that you're still more likely to be killed by your own kind than you are by something else. There are still laws on earth, and most of us follow them."

"So why me? Why am I the only one who can't work out what's right?"

"Because you don't feel like you deserve it."

Jesse laid a hand on Deans shoulder.

"Most of the time you're ok. You live your life here with Cas and Bobby, you go to work, you do the Dad in the park thing. You're happy. But, every once in a while you crack. It's like amnesia. Your mind rejects your life like it's some alien limb stitched onto you."

Dean shook his head sadly.

"How do I know this is real?"

Jesse shrugged. "I guess you don't. But we could get heavy theological about this and work out how you know what's real and what isn't, or, you could make a choice."

"A choice?"

"There's always a choice Dean."

"I can go back?"

"It would be hard, but yes. You could."

"What about Ruby…. Bobby!"

Jesse shook his head. "They don't follow that time line Dean. They belong here."

"So. You're asking me to chose between death and the gradual decay of mankind and this. My suburban life?"

"In a nutshell."

Dean laughed. "It should be easy shouldn't it."

"Nothing ever is, not really."

Jesse stood, pulling Dean up with him and shaking his hand.

"I'm leaving now, you'll make your choice, in your soul, and I'll know."

Deans face crumpled. "What if I make the wrong one!"

"You won't. You'll make the one you feel you have to. In the morning, you'll be here, or you'll be there, and you won't remember a thing about me."

He was gone.

For a moment Dean stood in the dark letting his heart steady.

Leaving the beer on the coffee table, he made his way upstairs and into Bobby's room.

The boys face was soft in the glow of the nightlight, his cheeks slightly flushed, lips parted, arms wrapped around a battered toy dog.

With a shaking hand Dean brushed a stray lock of hair away from Bobby's forehead, pulled the cover up to his chin and kissed his cheek softly.

Quietly he shut the nursery door and leant against it.

_I've already chosen._

He screwed his eyes tightly shut and let his breath out with a shudder.

_But I don't know what._

Dean slipped into the bedroom, a sleeping Cas under the blankets.

It looked so inviting, so normal.

Shedding his Jeans and shirt, he crawled into bed, let his arm snake out towards Cas, hesitating when he found the warm flesh of Cas's stomach under his fingers.

Cas stirred and turned heavily towards Dean.

"Hey." He whispered, putting his arm over him and kissing him softly, sleepily on the lips. "You ok?"

Dean didn't reply

He curled himself around Cas and hung onto him, hoping the solidness of his body against his would ground him, keep him where he wanted to be.

Gentle fingers running through his hair as he silently sobbed into Cas's chest.

"It's Ok. It's Ok." Cas whispered.

Dean just held him tighter and hoped and prayed he'd made the right choice.

**The End.**


End file.
